Pain and recovery

It seems I've a lot by my side,
My soul knows That alone I stride,

Born in this accursed human realm,
To face their hate and still love them,

To know that to my soul no one gets by,
yet the heart foolishly yearns for more tries,

And yet I find myself trusting them again,
Knowing for them it's all just a game,

Knowing my pain just makes them amused,
I am just a toy, merely being used,

Some throw words, some punch a hole,
The worst of them just burden my soul,

To share their pain, to be with them all,
But none of them stand when I give a call,

All alone in darkness I stand,
In hope for someone to give me a hand,

But all the hands are tucked in their pockets,
So I've decided to bury in my chest and lock it,

With animals there is no fear and pride,
There are only two colors, Black and White,

It's human eyes that can see more,
Making the man an emotional whore,

And all these colors define my core,
In the end making me cold and sore,

In joy we laugh, in agony we roar,
Storm to solitude and shut the door,

So many planes crossed over, that's what the world is,
yet love hides it all just with a simple kiss,

Is it only love that I would want to feel ?
Cut off with my soul , love's a devil's deal,

It brings me suffering, in pain I kneel,
when love walks out, it takes a lot to heal,

The demons behind me scrap my back for meal,
So much in my head, I can't tell what's real,

Of what I perceive, is how my real is defined,
It may all be an illusion made up by my mind,

Life's a bitch, It never treats you kind,
In threads of pain we all foolishly bind,

Heaven and hell are just layers on earth,
We're bound to them as soon as birth,

What comes in life, it comes unseen,
Turns warm angels, to demons so mean,

Realizing at times, I may be going nuts,
So careless I've been, a complete klutz,

Sometimes I moan when I sleep at night,
Guess something in me is giving a hard fight,

Maybe that thing is trying its best,
Just a matter of time before it comes to rest,

I hope it never opens that locked cage,
Trapped in there are hatred, darkness and rage,

That thing i know is a shred of my heart,
It's so weak now, doesn't know where to start,

A mild thump, a fainted beat,
Rest is searing pain and heat,

A fear to again fall in love,
the deep red rose, that pretty white dove,

But red is also color of my blood,
The thing that flows when I fall with a thud,

My fall i wish would be a wound in flesh,
but it's my shredded heart, Soul crushed like trash,

It took a lot to recover subliminal and prime,
I am not giving away my heart this time,

Now as I become cold as Northern Blizzard snow,
I am ready for this world, for sure I know........